so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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