just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
