im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
