I CAN MOONWALK!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
