I hope mine doesn't look like that
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
