you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
