Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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