McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
