Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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