I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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