I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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