omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
