i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
