the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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