You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
