how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
