Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
