i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
