Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
