A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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