I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
