i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
