After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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