I met the friendliest cop last night
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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