First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
