Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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