Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
