I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
