soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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