1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
