I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
