dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
