Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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