I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
