Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
