you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
