he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
