i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I deserve this hangover.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
