Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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