i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
