FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
