Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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