I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
