When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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