i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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