____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
