you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
birth control should be required to get into college
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
