I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
