matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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