i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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