I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
