And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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