You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
