she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
