How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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