You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
