Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
