Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
