and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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