can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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